enough sometimes. A-ROD's greatness shouldn't be limited to just sports, which is why this installment of "This Week in A-ROD Entertainment" is dedicated to A-ROD in film. The following movies are in need of a little something, some spice, a certain jena se qua, in short: A dose of DAS A-ROD.Superman
Original Plot- An alien orphan is sent from his dying planet to Earth, where he grows up to become his adoptive home's first and greatest super-hero.
With A-ROD- A-ROD playing perhaps his easiest role, not only defeats Superman nemeses Lex Luthor(Derek Jeter) , but also buys the Daily Planet with his ridiculous amount of money and gets Lois Lane(Scarlett Johannssen) preggers. UP! UP! and Away!
Projected Opening Weekend- 70 Million
Norbit
Original Plot- A mild-mannered guy (Rodriguez) who is engaged to a monstrous woman (Rodriguez) meets the woman of his dreams (Ro
driguez), and schemes to find a way to be with her. Wait Wha?With A-ROD- Alex, wearing multiple hats plays numerous parts in the hilarious story of young love. A-ROD earns three Oscar nods for his roles and for good measure picks up a Grammy nod for his soundtrack work.
Projected Opening Weekend- 95 Million
The Passion of The Christ
Original Plot- A film detailing the final hours and crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
With A-ROD- In this epic bio-pic A-ROD pours his heart and soul on the
screen, sticking pretty close to the original script(The Bible?), with one key difference, he lives and kicks ass! A-Rod survives a grotesque crucifixion and in a twist leads a rebellion over the Roman Empire and makes Judas(Joe Torre) his bitch.Projected Opening Weekend- 345.9 Million
The ShiningOriginal Plot- A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil and spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and of the future.
With A-ROD- Here' s Alex!!!!!In the altered A-RODized version the movie is drastically different. Instead of failing to kill his family and freezing to death, his Holiness comes through in the clutch and succeeds, once and for all, killing his wife and son. Alex picks up a Golden Globe and SAG award for his performance. Then in a stunning move, he will proclaim these awards are not up to his standards and will promptly throw the awards away. Also he will take the role so seriously and in an instance of life imitating art, Alex murders his family.
Projected Opening Weekend- 120.7 Million
The Departed
Original Plot- Two men from opposite sides of the law are undercover within the
Massachusetts State Police and the Irish mafia, but violence and bloodshed boil when discoveries are made, and the moles are dispatched to find out their enemy's identities.With A-ROD- In an Oscar winning performance and a severely different movie, A-ROD plays a New Yankee Yankee player going undercover as a Boston Red Sox. With strong performances from Terry Francona playing Frank Costello and Derek Jeter playing a baseball player who's gone rogue. We see the heart-wrenching story of a man driven crazy from living two lives simultaneously. The audience is brought to tears in an ending in which A-ROD sacrifices himself to reveal the truth about Jeter.
Project Opening Weekend- 89.1 Million
The Devil's AdvocateOriginal Plot- A hotshot lawyer gets more than he bargained for when he learns his new boss is Lucifer himself.
With A-ROD- In this star studded affair, the Devil is played by none other then the Lucifer himself, baseball super-agent, Scott Boras. Instead of sacrificing himself in the end, A-ROD reveals a shocker, he is in fact God. He proceeds to kick the shit out of Boras. Side Note: After negotiating by Boras, Rodriguez will win every Oscar category, so many in fact they will invent new categories, and to eliminate the part where those who have died in the past year is announced, A-ROD will raise the dead. Praise the Lord!
Projected Opening Weekend- 90000000Billion(Boras will negotiates with moviegoers forcing them to pay a 100 times what they normally do.
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