Reading my colleague's last post gave me a great idea for another segment--- "From Man to Immortal," in which I use my connections to get a seat with the elusive Rod. This week, I tried to keep the questions basic, but Rod, being such a fan favorite, volunteered to give up any information---at a price. And I paid that price, and so what if I had to do it in the backseat of a car.....don't judge me. It was late, it was A-Rod, anyone would've done it. So just chill out and read the damn interview.....ingrates.
Mere Mortal---So Mr. Rodriguez, wait, do you mind if I call you that?
The Saviour of us All--Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I'd prefer any of the following: Your Holiness, Mr. Clutch, Master, God, The Future, Alpha, Omega, or Alex. Just kidding. Not Alex. Filthy human, continue with the questioning.
M.M.---I'm terribly sorry your highness---
T.S.O.U.A---What did I say?
M.M----I'm sorry.
T.S.O.U.A---I'm only joking, mortal garbage. Continue and make it quick. I have an appointment to have sex with every beautiful women who ever lived.
M.M.---OK, first question. When did you realize that you would be the greatest person to ever live?
T.S.O.U.A---Um, well, I must say when my friend, Lazzy Boy we used to call him, died. I felt bad, so I brought him back. Or it coulda been me turning that shitty water into wine. It takes A-rod to party!!
M.M.---That sounds about right. OK, since I'm really, really lazy, I'm just gunna ask one more question.
T.S.O.U.A.---Well, you might as well make it a good one, considering what you had to do to get this interview-
M.M.--Yea, Omega, about that "favor" I did for you, can we just, you know, forget it?
T.S.O.U.A.--Let me think. Done thinking. No. Continue.
M.M.---OK, how would you describe the Yankees current situation, with all of the losing, and the possibility of Joe Torre being fired.
T.S.O.U.A.----Joe who?
M.M.---Joe Torre, the manger?
T.S.O.U.A.---Listen fool, I am my own manager, hitting coach, and team . And last time I checked, I was leading baseball in home runs and RBI's.
M.M.---But Master, do you realize that the Yankees are in last place?
T.S.O.U.A.---Oh but master, do you realize...SHUT UP FOOL!! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE ROD. HEAR ME NOW!!!!!!
The interview finished at this point when Rod proceeded to turn into his heavenly form and hit me with his mighty bat.
